The final example comes from my somewhat recent past. Hopefully you could tell from my previous post none of the previously mentioned relationships were ones in which I could say I was in love. With this one it is safe to say I was/am. Thus was I exposed to not only the female fallacy but the male as well. If the female mistake is to create a fantasy and try stuff their man into it until the cry uncle the male is to try and fit that shape as best as possible. Let me explain. It all started well and everyone was honest with each other, except for a few things which I should have either talked about before moving further in or stopped right then.
If you are not a jealous person then you should not be in relationship with someone who is. Do not take their word for it, find out for yourself. This one conflict is the stem of all the problems I tried to overcome and failed. From the beginning I made the mistake of telling her that she was the only one I was dating. This was interpreted to mean "You are the only one I want to date." I'm a smart person, I realized the mistake early on but I did nothing to correct it. Instead I was bullheaded and thought she should come around to my understanding since I never said what she thought to begin with. You can see where this is going. Within the first 3 months (standard dating threshold) I spent time with five other women. In my life that does not mean a date and definitely not sex, but just going out having fun. Of those five there was only one date, one make out session, and a kiss. My final decision, afterwards, was to become serious with she I had met first. Now I told her about every single one but the catch is she thought we had been exclusive the whole time and she never really forgave me, mainly because I had not volunteered the information.
A little thing about me. I will tell almost anybody anything about me as long as they ask. How does that work? Do on to others as they would onto you. I don't want to hear about your life unless I ask so don't expect me to change to fit your world. It's that kind of stubbornness I should have stuck to and everything would have ended better. So where is the problem? If she knew about those five then I should be free and clear. Nope, the reaction I got was anger, wanting to do violence, acceptance, and an overall since of jealousy. One of them I didn't care about but I lost 2 friends because even their mention made her mad and bitter words to be projected at me. Wait! There's the trap. I lost two friends because I cared more for keeping her happy then keeping US happy and that is the male fallacy.
Thus began a pattern of meeting females for purposes of friendship and not telling my gf about them. Hindsight tells me that looks like I'm cheating on her. It doesn't matter what the truth is, especially for someone who does not trust anyone. There's plenty of blame to go around and most of it involving me not listening to reason behind these posts. Love means being yourself and getting loved in return. There are no sacrifices expected nor expectations to be maintained. If someone has a tendency to talk to other people, like I do, then you you except it or find out why.
Talking about sacrifices here is a BIG example. When you move 500 miles to be with someone then you try to make a life and not tell your other one every week how much you gave up for leaving home to be with them. I received constant reminders about this, and I do understand she gave up a lot, but I already moved away from home and gave up everything several times. One could argue that this was more a problem for us then the above but it's not something I can understand. What I didn't tell her was I was wiling to move but only once she had accepted it didn't matter where because as long as we were together we would be happy. Why didn't I tell her that from the beginning? That would be a cheap lesson now wouldn't it? Instead all I ever heard was how much happier and better her life had been when she was living at home. At least here I stuck to my beliefs.
Where else did I fail? It's not fair to blame others and I hate doing it. SO lets talk about me. In the end love for me is something undefinable. It is given without condition or expectations with infinite forgiveness. The word I use to best portray this is unconditional love. That's where I fell on my face and everything went from bad to dead. For some reason I don't understand I started to believe that there should be complete and utter trust (true) but that trust should include that your lover understand you and trust you because of that understanding. That is bullshit. It is impossible to understand a person enough to trust them. Love is taking a leap of faith that although you do not know this person beyond a shadow of a doubt you will love them and not expect it in return. Me in my infinite stupidity decide to test this in a way I had already been warned she would do to me.
We had broken up. After almost two years together I decided to try my test for a third time. The test was to take some old emails and modify them just enough to give suspicions but never outright say anything wrong. The first two times I did this nothing happened but all of a sudden she decides to check my purposely left open laptop and find the emails. Did the shit hit the fan! Note readers that I have never cheated on any girlfriend who was exclusive with. These emails did imply a tight relationship with other girls then was usual. The truth is the conversations I had with them was the same I had with several other guys, but because they were women that meant I was cheating to her. Where the male fallacy stepped in was that I did not immediately confess but instead thought that since she loved me she would forgive me and I could tell her then. Of course I had not considered the female fallacy of fantasy.
In the end I completely lost what I had and now I have a new conviction to be me no matter what. There will be a person out there who understands the old meaning of love and not expect me to satisfy some new meaning created by modern media and hollywood. Well, at least I hope that is true.
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