Today the meaning of love has been twisted to the point where it simply doesn't have any close to the same meaning. If we take a look at Webster it gives us:
love (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
Wow, that's a far cry from what I was raised to believe. What ever happened to the love that transcends all obstacles or love that conquers all to reunite two people? We don't even have love at first sight any more. Why is it that love is taken so carelessly in today's day and age? One insight that might explain it has been to tie it to the rise in technology. The basic premise is we have advanced so far with communication that although it is mush easier to be in touch with more people but the quality of that contact has degraded by telephones, radio, TV, and the internet. We see and hear more people but for a lot less time. This has some truth to it but seems to give only a partial answer. Still another reason has been the rise of great cities and has almost the same answer as before. Living in cities we come in contact and befriend hundreds of people instead maybe like back in the day.
In the end both these reason and all the others seem to be blaming the problem on something else, as most people do. The reason that has occurred to me is something more basic. People are no longer provided good examples on how to grow up. Parents are neglecting their responsibility of telling stories to their children about the prince who rescues the princes from the dragon. We've become to hung up on the characters in the story because it is chauvinistic to believe the princes needs help from the prince in the first place. It's damn DRAGON everybody, of course she needs help. Change the story to the princes is waging an decade old battle with the dragon and the prince comes as re-enforcements, but keep telling your children these stories.
Why is is so important to provide these moral stories to our children? Because otherwise they grow up believing that they know better. Men think the lying, cheating, possession thoughts that occurred to them in puberty are how the rest of the world operates. Women grow up thinking all they have to do is meet mister wrong and their motherly affection will turn these Oedipus children into proper husbands. The fantasy is nothing but that. In the past ten years I have had five women tell me they love me while I have loved two myself. One of those I have loved did not return the love and married someone else. This in no way diminished my love for her. Why?!? you may ask yourself. The answer is easy.
Love for me is something that can not be lost. It does not degrade and can not be betrayed. My first love knew of my affection, stayed my friend, was very polite about telling me was getting married and even invited me to the reception. In the end it was enough for me to know that she was happy and that is what love means. You are willing to sacrifice everything even if in the end there will be no return. This concept is beyond the conception of the modern human. They are simply incapable of believing in self sacrifice, much less following through.
Take the five women who have told me they loved me. The first one stopped being with me because I did not have the same level of affection for her as she did for me. Bullshit. The second would not be with me because she believed her boyfriend loved her, even though she did not love him. The whole time she was saying she loved me but would not drop her abusive boyfriend unless I agreed to be with only her. Bullshit. The third is barely worth mentioning except she believed in love at first site. The problem being I do not. She is the only one who came the closest in my mind to understanding love. The problem is she seemed a bit unstable, but that is probably my reaction to how strong she pursued me.
The fourth was my first girlfriend and the first clue I had to the fantasy. We dated for six months in what had been some of the happiest times of my life. How did everything change? Slowly she started doing things to try and change me. Bringing me to meet her parents, but instead of just saying hello she would tell me what she liked about them and didn't like. The same started about her friends and mine. Then she started bringing up living together, for the next five to ten years. We had not even talked about marriage or children yet. I'll be the first to admit I could have been afraid to commit but the signs were there when we broke up. Over night she hated me and told me she had to stop herself from burning down my place and killing my cat. I am not making this up.
This post will be continued...
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Love Doesn't Mean What It Use To (part the 1st)
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